she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
