Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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