my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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