Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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