Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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