why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
