thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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