So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
