this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
