I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
