he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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