I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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