I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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