The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
