Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
