So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
