I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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