So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
