mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
