pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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