I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
