jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
