That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
