my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
