my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
