ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
