Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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