I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
