her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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