Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
