dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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