I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
