im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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