I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
