You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
