am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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