Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
