Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The power of my boobs compel you
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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