You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
