Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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