just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
