im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
