I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
