i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
