i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
