Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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