Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
