talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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