Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
