I wish I only lived at night.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
